Where has Izzy been?

(Posted on Mar 18th 2024)


Wow, it’s been a while! Let me write a paragraph about how the last 2 years have been a rough (yet extremely beneficial) learning experience for Izzy. I’ve experienced homelessness, personal loss, food insecurity, and more. I’m proud to say I’ve overcome many of these struggles, and I’ve learned a lot about myself throughout the process! I want to share some of the wisdom I’ve gained from this arduous time in my life.

Since the beginning of 2020 I’ve experienced hardships that (fortunately) not many people have ever experienced in their lives. Through these difficult times, I’ve learned and grown stronger as a human.  I’ve worked with therapists, and I’ve explored for further knowledge on emotional regulation techiques. I’m fascinated by the human brain, and how people interface with technology. Learning how my brain works and how I handle difficult problems in real life, has brought me much closer to my sense of inner spirituality.

I think an often overlooked aspect of life is how our bodies are the sacred ‘vessel’ that gives us life. I also believe in the power behind ‘labeling’. Our self-image plays a huge role in who we are, and as a result, dictates our behaviors and decision making. If you have a negative behavior, find the part of that behavior associated with your identity, and question it!

Think about it this way; Do you REALLY want to be somebody who smokes cigarettes? Want to stop over-eating? Label yourself mentally as a ‘non-smoker’ or ‘someone who doesn’t eat much’ and see what changes. I think there’s a very strong power connected to our language and that includes the labels we give ourselves. Becoming self-aware of that power is the first step towards improving our self image!

Processing grief & emotions

Something I had to learn was how to process grief. I believe in the 5 stages of grief, and I try to process my feelings as responsibly and effectively as possible.


(Credit: VeryWellMind.com)

Denial

Denial is a phase I don’t typically find myself struggling with. As a “realistic optimist” that loves finding silver linings within bad events, I find it relatively easy to accept the reality of a situation, rather than denying the reality of a situation.

Anger

Anger is an emotion I have become very familiar with. I recognize it’s effects on me and people around me, so I usually hold onto my anger until I’m alone and/or in a safe environment to let my anger out. I typically let my anger out in constructive ways! I like problem solving, so if my anger stems from a “problem”, my brain jumps into problem solving mode.

Bargaining

Barganing is a phase I process completely internally. Sometimes I will bargain with myself by asking myself (my ego) “a loss has occurred, how do you proceed?” and the other part of my brain (the thoughtful part) will usually respond with something along the lines of “where are we now, and what life changes does this loss bring with it?”

Depression

I’m happy to say I feel like I’ve conquered my depression! I exercise regularly, eat mindfully, get plenty of sun and outdoor exposure, and I have some very efficient emotional regulation techiniques! In the past, depression has made thinking-ahead feel impossible, but that’s simply my brain building itself a cage to feel safe inside.

Acceptance

The final stage Acceptance is a stage that I feel I struggle with the most, funny enough. I struggle after I gain an understanding that a loss has occured, while I also realize I can’t do anything to “go back” or “hit undo”. It puts me in a state of “okay, so now what do we do?” where my next decisions tend to have more significance than previous ones.

Dealing with hindsight, expectations, and more wisdom...

Handling strong emotions & grief can be one of the toughest aspects of life for many people. Emotional and mental pain can be just as damaging and taxing on us as physical pain. A lot of people overlook the severity of trauma, and how it can affect the rest of our lives.

I often find myself struggling to cope with hindsight in some past instances. Self talk along the lines of “Had I paid more attention to x or y, z would have never happened in the first place”. This is classic denial, and recognizing it as such allows me to move on past it, thankfully...

Expectations are a tricker one... society has expectations of us that, when not met, can lead to lots of suffering. We sadly live in a pay-to-live world right now, and existing isn’t free. That’s an expectation I struggle with often, since a lot of my hobbies and passions don’t make me money currently. I’m working on changing that, though!

(Credit: NirAndFar)

 

So, what’re you doing now?

Since recovering from great family loss, personal loss, and housing insecurity, I’ve begun blossoming as a person! I started learning 3d modeling in Blender once I realized my fear of learning/tutorials was baseless, and I’ve since begun game production for some videogames I’ve always wanted to create! I want to create multiple videogames, so I’m designing a “game production framework” to allow me to do exactly that, solo!

I don’t see confusion as a source of frustration anymore, and I now view confusion as a tool to push me closer to understanding, instead! If I get confused regarding how to complete a specific task in Blender, instead of becoming frustrating, I become more and more curious... I think this mental approach has been doing me wonders, perhaps you can implement this technique into your own life!

Thank you all for reading this far, and I’m excited to share more about my journey now that things are settling down and my survival necessities aren’t at risk anymore. Look forward to many more posts & projects from me moving forward!